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Likes and Comments
LIKES AND COMMENTS
(get yourself together)
You have beautiful children!
thank you! We’re so blessed
(they terrify me
can you see that
In my eyes? I hope
not
They need so much
from me and I
am so empty
but I am trying
trying so very hard
trying to keep it
together)
You look great!
thanks, so sweet of you to say!
(But I got fat, you see?
After the babies
And the tubal
The ligation
They didn’t tell me
Would throw my hormones
Into a panic
Panic
Panic
That keeps my hands shaking
--maybe—
he says I’m schizo
and also my gall bladder,
see these scars?
Was diseased
And so they cut me open
And took some things out
And that made me fat
Haha!
But I am stretched so thin
I think you see
You see
You see
Right through me
To his wife
Their mother
Stellar employee
Breadwinner
Provider
Primary income
Housekeeper
Whore)
Are you writing?
Maybe when the kids are older I’ll find the time again.
(I tried for a while, but
the babies would cry
and he would scream
and my hands shake so hard I can’t
hold my pen or
rummage the keys of
My piano anymore—
Wait, did we sell it?
To pay the Lowe’s card
I think, yes
I did
But don’t tell him, okay?
I do what I have to do
To keep the peace
To make peace
Please tell me there will be some peace)
Happy Anniversary!
Thanks! Can’t believe it’s been seven years!
(Two thousand
Five hundred
Fifty-seven days
Counting two leap years
I feel them all
In the chattering of my teeth
Don’t tell him but
I am thinking
Of leaving
If I can just not be afraid
For a day
Just a day
Maybe I can find a way
Out
Out
Out of this disaster I made.)
Are you okay?
Oh, we’re fine! All is well.
(my mama calls
to ask
If I’ll leave before
They find me dead
In a ditch
—Like that woman on the news—
Before he snaps
Because She heard him yelling
One of the bad times
When I hid under the desk
And now
She wants to pretend I am already
gone
If I don’t get myself the hell out of this
She will come make me
Or at the least
Take these babies
Away from our chaos
Chaos
So much chaos
And it is day
Two thousand
Six hundred
Seventeen
And while I am counting days
She says
They are counting on me)